Here is an interesting article from http://www.verysmartbrothas.com about women and exceptions by Panama Jackson
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/the-exceptions/
Excerpt:
"This actually happened to me more than a few times. After a little while of “getting to know you” convos (and because we’re Black), the how did you come up convo arises with the inevitable church background story. Many women will tell you they want a man to go to church with them every Sunday and help build them up spiritually, etc. Then you drop the, “yeah, well I don’t go to church and have no intention of doing so.” Without missing a beat, “well you do believe in God right? Because as long as that’s the case I’ll look past the fact that church really matters to me and you’d never go with me. I have cable.”
I found it very interesting and sadly true. Women always set these really high standards and as soon as a man comes along we thrown them away without blinking, i know i have sometimes.... It's just that I think women try to change the man into the behavior they want. We start liking before checking our list of standards, and we hope to change a man. What I have learn so far, is you can never change a person. No matter how much you try and love that person, they will not change.
NB: I should add "not lowering my standards for anyone" to my list of resolutions ;)
And also this website is very funny and insightful in understanding men, especially black men. It helps sometimes ( there are times where it's too sarcastic and macho views that I don't believe) to understand how perceive women and relationships
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
2011 Resolutions! more
-Learn to manage money and save money
-Continue to transition from relaxed to natural hair
-No mo procrastination! No mo facebook during the week except fridays and sundays. No mo watching series like it's some marathon, one episode a day is enough ( i watch like 10 in day )
-Get involved in the Uni community
-Be aware of the news, read more journals
-Write for uni s journal
-Dating can wait
-Stop talking so much about u and listen more to others
-Post on blog 1 post a day
-Continue to transition from relaxed to natural hair
-No mo procrastination! No mo facebook during the week except fridays and sundays. No mo watching series like it's some marathon, one episode a day is enough ( i watch like 10 in day )
-Get involved in the Uni community
-Be aware of the news, read more journals
-Write for uni s journal
-Dating can wait
-Stop talking so much about u and listen more to others
-Post on blog 1 post a day
Men and me
Like the author from Eat Pray and Love ( talked about it in the previous post), I have been in and out of relationships without pausing. As if I didn't want to deal with myself or couldn't stand myself sadly. I don't know why I tend to be a bit too obsessed with guys, it leads me too often to bad relationships.
I always a loneliness, i always wanted someone to talk to every night about everything, someone to confide in, someone who would really listen. And its because i want it so badly, that I am blind in relationships and get with super jerks.
But I decided for 2011 things must change, I want to learn how to appreciate being just me. Doing things by myself or with friends. I want to be free of this loneliness and be content with myself. I know must work on my self-esteem also. But I do accept that I like dating, cuddling and kissing but I want to be more independent and more "just me"
I have never had a really ( honest without feeling attraction) relation with a guy, I mean I have never had a guy friend. For 2011 I intend on changing this also, I want make more guy friends and be a better friend.
I am going to stop attempting to date guys, have more guys friends and enjoy my singlehood!
Learn more about myself, educate myself and have fun...and one day who knows the right guy will come along. No mo jerks! ;)
I always a loneliness, i always wanted someone to talk to every night about everything, someone to confide in, someone who would really listen. And its because i want it so badly, that I am blind in relationships and get with super jerks.
But I decided for 2011 things must change, I want to learn how to appreciate being just me. Doing things by myself or with friends. I want to be free of this loneliness and be content with myself. I know must work on my self-esteem also. But I do accept that I like dating, cuddling and kissing but I want to be more independent and more "just me"
I have never had a really ( honest without feeling attraction) relation with a guy, I mean I have never had a guy friend. For 2011 I intend on changing this also, I want make more guy friends and be a better friend.
I am going to stop attempting to date guys, have more guys friends and enjoy my singlehood!
Learn more about myself, educate myself and have fun...and one day who knows the right guy will come along. No mo jerks! ;)
Eat, Explore, Love
A rough start but I am not going to let this continue. Have you read Eat, Pray and Love? It is a fabulous book, one of my favorites and i feel the author's struggles are just like hers. The book is about a lady in her 30s that is tired of doing what everyone expects her to do, have baby and settle down. She divorces her husband and decides to eat in italy, pray in india, love in bali during a year. I highly recommend, especially if you sometimes question your life.
So i decided to do the same, but in London. Eat, Explore and Love. It's my new resolution for 2011.
Eat: Every week indulge in something fabolous (for 5 pounds no more), a chocolat, a croissant, whatever. Just because it makes me feel good and I deserve it et c'est tout!
Explore: London is a beautiful city with so many things going on! I decided to make 100 new friends next term, or more...It's important to get out there and explore and meet people. Swedish people might be more interesting than I thought. I will also visit all the places I have been wanting to go forever, Brick Lane, festivals, vintage shops, fairs. Start lumography! No more being shy
Love: Be a good friend, because i am surrounded by very good people, and I do want them to know I acknowledge their kindness. Become friends with more people also. Love and guys, I am going to wait a bit and stop throwing myself into them because I am tired of being deceived. Instead I will be looking to better my relationship with God and Nossa Senhora and my grandfather. Love life also, enjoy it to the fullest so I can remember this year as memorable
So i decided to do the same, but in London. Eat, Explore and Love. It's my new resolution for 2011.
Eat: Every week indulge in something fabolous (for 5 pounds no more), a chocolat, a croissant, whatever. Just because it makes me feel good and I deserve it et c'est tout!
Explore: London is a beautiful city with so many things going on! I decided to make 100 new friends next term, or more...It's important to get out there and explore and meet people. Swedish people might be more interesting than I thought. I will also visit all the places I have been wanting to go forever, Brick Lane, festivals, vintage shops, fairs. Start lumography! No more being shy
Love: Be a good friend, because i am surrounded by very good people, and I do want them to know I acknowledge their kindness. Become friends with more people also. Love and guys, I am going to wait a bit and stop throwing myself into them because I am tired of being deceived. Instead I will be looking to better my relationship with God and Nossa Senhora and my grandfather. Love life also, enjoy it to the fullest so I can remember this year as memorable
It's been a rough start
To tell you the truth, university has not been so great.
I had great expectations, I wanted it all. I was quite nervous at making friends and a bit anti social as a result. I was a bit lost and confused, and someone even managed to take advanatge...i disgress.
Like i said i thought going to university, especially mine, i would meet interesting and diverse people with great minds, and we would connect and spend the whole of the night talking politics. It didn't happen. Same ignorance than in highschool, few diverse people ( when i say diverse i mean ecletic and afrocentric people from africa, asia, latin america, third world i mean, not swedish, italian, or english people). I was disapointed to see so little africans or blacks should i say.
Living in an expensive city has been tough for me, i came close to be like dirt broke poor ( i am almost there right now but i am keeping my head outa the water :( )
And its hard out there, London has so many to offer but it can such a lonely lace for a shy girl like me
Sometimes going back to my room, i miss human presence especially when i hear my flatmates.
I am bit disappointed in uni experience, i expected more and i thought i d be super happy all the time ( i am finally independent and knowing can tell me nuthiiin!) I feel a bit disoriented and i regret being so shy, i wish i had been more outspoken. Oh life!
NB: no offense to swedish and italian people, i just didn't expect to see so many europeans
I had great expectations, I wanted it all. I was quite nervous at making friends and a bit anti social as a result. I was a bit lost and confused, and someone even managed to take advanatge...i disgress.
Like i said i thought going to university, especially mine, i would meet interesting and diverse people with great minds, and we would connect and spend the whole of the night talking politics. It didn't happen. Same ignorance than in highschool, few diverse people ( when i say diverse i mean ecletic and afrocentric people from africa, asia, latin america, third world i mean, not swedish, italian, or english people). I was disapointed to see so little africans or blacks should i say.
Living in an expensive city has been tough for me, i came close to be like dirt broke poor ( i am almost there right now but i am keeping my head outa the water :( )
And its hard out there, London has so many to offer but it can such a lonely lace for a shy girl like me
Sometimes going back to my room, i miss human presence especially when i hear my flatmates.
I am bit disappointed in uni experience, i expected more and i thought i d be super happy all the time ( i am finally independent and knowing can tell me nuthiiin!) I feel a bit disoriented and i regret being so shy, i wish i had been more outspoken. Oh life!
NB: no offense to swedish and italian people, i just didn't expect to see so many europeans
Sunday, 12 December 2010
New account
http://mangosweet.tumblr.com/
i will still be posting but this account will be my visual, i love pretty pictures and art so i ll be posting them on my tumnlr n who knows my pictures too
i will still be posting but this account will be my visual, i love pretty pictures and art so i ll be posting them on my tumnlr n who knows my pictures too
Sunday, 5 December 2010
On beauty and Familia
In my family we all have inherited the same features that are the "brand" of our family. Everyone except me, I look a lot more like my dad's side but unfortunately i see them so rarely that I don't feel the special connection of resemblance with them. I look nothing like my mom's side whom i spend all my time with. However my sisters are practically mini clones of the women in that side.
The thing is, I have very african features that despite my light skin has fooled many people in believing I was 100per cent african, which as we all know are the features that society has been rejecting for years. I have no problem with them, I love the way I look but my family is another story. I was always the ugly duckling that everyone tried to erase my distinctiveness to make me feel more a like with them. I have full lips that I love but my mother consistently draws attention to it, as if to protect me from what other people will say ( mind you they don't give a damn). My hair is the only thing I have that is not drawn attention to it. I don't know the classification of it, but it was always seen as "good" because it was longer than my sister, less thicker and less coarse than
hers. It's not like they criticized me or something, they did try to protect me but in a way that even as a child I could feel that my features were not desirable ones, and my hair was the only thing "okay"
Recently I took the decision to cut all my hair short at new years, which my mother is horrified because with my features I won't look good plus my African hair will take years to grow as she says. I
feel like she is basically saying your big nose and big mouth will look bad without your hair ( your only good thing), and your African hair will not grown or look too nappy if short.
It really made me upset and doubt of my decision, I am still decided to do it though. My family has not accepted my decision of stopping relaxers. They think it's ridiculous because only good hair is presentable enough to be worn out. Even my mother and grandmother who have loose curls always tried their best to hide it or straighten it.
Interestingly enough people who wear weaves and wigs are seen to them, as having bad hair, but even though my hair is bad like they say, I can't wear weaves. There's always been a sense of "we are better than them because our hair is better but we don't or must not wear our hair natural "
But I have had it with all this nonsense, I am tired of following the beauty model of light skin with long hair straight with Caucasian features. I do not fit into this model and I believe in myself. I want to be me, not some the stupid model imposed by Caucasians!
The thing is, I have very african features that despite my light skin has fooled many people in believing I was 100per cent african, which as we all know are the features that society has been rejecting for years. I have no problem with them, I love the way I look but my family is another story. I was always the ugly duckling that everyone tried to erase my distinctiveness to make me feel more a like with them. I have full lips that I love but my mother consistently draws attention to it, as if to protect me from what other people will say ( mind you they don't give a damn). My hair is the only thing I have that is not drawn attention to it. I don't know the classification of it, but it was always seen as "good" because it was longer than my sister, less thicker and less coarse than
hers. It's not like they criticized me or something, they did try to protect me but in a way that even as a child I could feel that my features were not desirable ones, and my hair was the only thing "okay"
Recently I took the decision to cut all my hair short at new years, which my mother is horrified because with my features I won't look good plus my African hair will take years to grow as she says. I
feel like she is basically saying your big nose and big mouth will look bad without your hair ( your only good thing), and your African hair will not grown or look too nappy if short.
It really made me upset and doubt of my decision, I am still decided to do it though. My family has not accepted my decision of stopping relaxers. They think it's ridiculous because only good hair is presentable enough to be worn out. Even my mother and grandmother who have loose curls always tried their best to hide it or straighten it.
Interestingly enough people who wear weaves and wigs are seen to them, as having bad hair, but even though my hair is bad like they say, I can't wear weaves. There's always been a sense of "we are better than them because our hair is better but we don't or must not wear our hair natural "
But I have had it with all this nonsense, I am tired of following the beauty model of light skin with long hair straight with Caucasian features. I do not fit into this model and I believe in myself. I want to be me, not some the stupid model imposed by Caucasians!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)