On beauty and Familia

In my family we all have inherited the same features that are the "brand" of our family. Everyone except me, I look a lot more like my dad's side but unfortunately i see them so rarely that I don't feel the special connection of resemblance with them. I look nothing like my mom's side whom i spend all my time with. However my sisters are practically mini clones of the women in that side.

The thing is, I have very african features that despite my light skin has fooled many people in believing I was 100per cent african, which as we all know are the features that society has been rejecting for years. I have no problem with them, I love the way I look but my family is another story. I was always the ugly duckling that everyone tried to erase my distinctiveness to make me feel more a like with them. I have full lips that I love but my mother consistently draws attention to it, as if to protect me from what other people will say ( mind you they don't give a damn). My hair is the only thing I have that is not drawn attention to it. I don't know the classification of it, but it was always seen as "good" because it was longer than my sister, less thicker and less coarse than
hers. It's not like they criticized me or something, they did try to protect me but in a way that even as a child I could feel that my features were not desirable ones, and my hair was the only thing "okay"

Recently I took the decision to cut all my hair short at new years, which my mother is horrified because with my features I won't look good plus my African hair will take years to grow as she says.  I
feel like she is basically saying your big nose and big mouth will look bad without your hair ( your only good thing), and your African hair will not grown or look too nappy if short.

It really made me upset and  doubt of my decision, I am still decided to do it though. My family has not accepted my decision of stopping relaxers. They think it's ridiculous because only good hair is presentable enough to be worn out. Even my mother and grandmother who have loose curls always tried their best to hide it or straighten it.
Interestingly enough people who wear weaves and wigs are seen to them, as having bad hair, but even though my hair is bad like they say, I can't wear weaves. There's always been a sense of "we are better than them because our hair is better but we don't or must not wear our hair natural "

But I have had it with all this nonsense, I am tired of following the beauty model of light skin with long hair straight with Caucasian features.  I do not fit into this model and I believe in myself. I want to be me, not some the stupid model imposed by Caucasians!